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Anecdotes In the following anecdotes, a principal and a Los Angeles County Deputy Sheriff assigned to schools describe actual encounters that they have had with oppositional parents. Do you agree with the way they handled these situations? What would you have done? Case #1: Middle School Principal Encounters (1st of 3): Parent of African American ethnicity complains that a staff member is being racist. Response: Well, I certainly hope that isn't the case. Mrs._____ has worked her for years and I've never had such a complaint. I must admit though, I don't have your perspective on racism (I'm white). I could use your help in trying to examine this. (Parent seems surprised by this response and now much less argumentative.) We explore the situation. The student's records indicate a pattern of misbehavior and disciplinary actions by other staff members. Outcome: Now the focus is on the student and I ask the parent for ideas on how we can get things back on track. And we talk and everything is okay. Reflection: I recall that Dr. Gallegos introduced this strategy to me at CSU--Bakersfield.
Case #2: Middle School Principal Encounters (2nd of 3): 7th grade boy, misbehaving. Numerous office referrals from all of his teachers. Teacher and administration counseling and assertive discipline measures ineffective. Response: I call dad. I know dad well. He's a former Marine and a good guy. He's had other kids go through the school. They were great. Dad talks to kid. A week later, kid is disrespectful to an adult. Dad comes in, tells kid misbehaving is one thing and he supports and encourages the school's discipline but he DOES NOT EVER AGAIN want to hear about his kid being disrespectful (he tells this to kid at conference) or he will come down and deal with it immediately. A week later, kid mouths off to staff member, refuses to follow directions even after being told dad will be called. I call dad. He comes right over, leaves work, takes kid in my office. Explains the problem to kid. Asks me if he can give kid two swats with his leather belt in the butt. I say absolutely. He directs kid to lean against window sill and gives him two good ones with the strap in the butt while kid tries to hold back the tears. He puts belt back on, hugs kid, and tells him he loves him but that he can't allow kid to behave that way. Kid wipes his face, goes to class and IS NEVER SEEN IN OFFICE AGAIN for discipline the next and year a half. Reflection: I wish I had more parents like that. Note: I mentioned this at an administrator meeting. Several administrators nodded heads in approval. A few younger ones said I was crazy. I said, "I was comfortable because I knew the family for years." I said, "If this happened fifteen or twenty years ago, no one would think anything of it." The response I got was that it was now not fifteen or twenty years ago. I asked, "Were kids better behaved now, or fifteen or twenty years ago?" No response; end of conversation.
Case #3: Middle School Principal Encounters (3rd of 3): Once I had a parent who would not stop cursing at me. Response: I told him I could not continue the meeting. I walked out to the main office. He followed, yelling. I told the secretary "If he doesn't leave, call the Sheriff for him." He looked at me angrily and started to come toward me. I said "and if he comes at me, call an ambulance for him." He left. Outcome: The next day, I called him and asked him to come in. We talked calmly and shook hands. Reflection: Unfortunately, he's hated me for the last ten years. Oh well, I guess it keeps him going.
General Reflections: I find the best reaction to most irate parents is to: * Get them into your office or behind closed doors away from others. * Listen and model quiet low-key behavior. They will mirror your behavior. If you escalate, they escalate. The same is for kids who are losing control or even people in a first aid emergency. * Ask them what they would like to see happen. * Be clear and precise with any action you'll take and you might write it down for them. Sometimes people clam down and forget what was said. * Be careful not to lie to them just to get them to cool down or say anything that you really can't commit to. * If I'm (or another school staff member) is wrong, I admit it and apologize and try to fix things. * If a staff member is wrong, I go to them and have them fix things with the parent so I can support them and don't have to overrule them (in front of the parent). * Remember, it's what's right, not who's right. * When staff and administration maintain a good relationship with parents, these irate parent confrontations are less common. * We had a problem with irate parents in our office. We installed a video camera with a sign welcoming parents and telling them to smile for our camera. We've had no problems since that camera went in. * Don't tell people to "calm down." It never works and escalates things. * Listen, acknowledge and ask questions. * If you want to hang up on a parent, start talking and cut yourself off. They'll never think you would actually hang up on yourself! * Don't be intimidated by parents. Be amused and entertained by the irate parent. Have a "great, bring em on" attitude. * No matter what, be professional and of high integrity. * It's always nice to be bigger than they are and to never rule out the fact that they may come at you. The phone can make for a quick, handy, self-defense tool.
Case #4: Encounters of a Los Angeles County Deputy Sheriff Assigned to Schools (1st of 3): A third grade student with down's syndrome in a regular classroom setting. Student is identified for special education testing. Parent refuses to authorize testing process. In addition to academic needs, student constantly disrupts class dominating the teachers' attention and student inappropriately grabs and touches fellow students. Response: Situation is elevated to district level as numerous parents complain and demand action be taken. Meanwhile, parent of child, remains strong in her position not to allow special ed testing citing that she wants her child in the mainstream. Outcome: Other parents threaten and file lawsuit stating that their students' education is inadequate. Local newspapers and media closely follow the story. Hostilities increase at the school site and at board meetings requiring sheriff's presence and at times action. In a compromise, the district hires and assigns two adult aides who remain at all times with the child and administer the lessons in the regular classroom setting. Reflection: As a deputy sheriff and a parent, I am not sure this was the best way to go about things. Ultimately, I wonder if the down syndrome child was negatively affected.
Case #5: Encounters of a Los Angeles County Deputy Sheriff Assigned to Schools (2nd of 3): A sixth grade student continues to cause disturbances in the classroom. The teacher disciplines the student. The student goes home and tells her mother that the teacher told her to, "...sit your black ass down..." Irate parent goes to school and bypasses office, and directly enters the classroom during class and challenges teacher. Response: The school calls 911 and I and other deputies.
Outcome: I arrest the parent for Penal Code Sections 71, threatening a school official, a felony and 415.5 (a) disturbing the peace on school grounds, a misdemeanor. During the arrest in the classroom, the parent continues her antics, resulting in a huge unwanted scene. Reflection: It is imperative that school officials, teachers and office personnel maintain a keen sense of awareness. In addition, the school plan should detail procedures to deal with the threats of society. A system that restricts the flow of pedestrian traffic is useful in the management of safety at the school site. Once the problem develops, most schools typically are not equipped to handle such threats. Prevention through early identification and administrative means recognizing facility characteristics should be considered.
Case #6: Encounters of a Los Angeles County Deputy Sheriff Assigned to Schools (3rd of 3): Principal notifies me of a seventh grade student who has missed several days of school. Response: I drive to the student's house to issue a truancy citation. I inform parent that they must accompany their child to the courthouse to see the judge. The parent asks what is going to happen. I reply that the child and parent will have to pay a $315.00 fine. Upon hearing this, the parent becomes irate, stating such things as "there is no way a school can make my child go!" And "ain't no judge going to fine me!" Outcomes: The parent continues with his tirade to the point where the parent threatens to fight me, the sheriff's deputy. I then arrest the parent and take him to jail. Reflection: I should have e-mailed the parent the ticket. |