Case #1:
Clare is an office manager at an elementary school who had an experience with a hostile parent last year. The student, a sixth grader who is usually picked up from school, was supposed to take the bus to the Sunshine childcare center on that particular day. Unfortunately, the girl forgot and the office manager was not given documentation indicating that she was supposed to go to Sunshine.

As it turns out, the mother was in the hospital having minor surgery. As part of normal school policy, the office manager tried contacting the girl’s mother on her cell phone. However, the mother had written down the wrong cell phone number on the emergency card. Likewise, the girl’s stepfather was next in line to be notified that he needed to pick the sixth grader up from school.

The stepfather was not home when Clare called. The girl’s stepbrother answered the phone and claimed to have no idea how to contact his father. Clare then politely explained that the office closed at 4 p.m., and that if the girl was not picked up by that time, the law dictated that she would have to call the sheriff to come and take custody of her. As it turns out, the stepbrother did reach his father and he picked up the girl before the sheriff became involved.

The next day, the girl’s mother arrived at school and confronted Clare. She was extremely upset over the fact that Clare "threatened to call the cops" and expressed her belief that Clare was incompetent. She insisted that her cell phone number was, in fact, written correctly on the emergency card and that Clare was no more than a "stupid little secretary."

Clare responded by saying, "I don’t need to listen to you talk to me like that. You wrote the number down wrong."

The mother insisted that her cell phone number was, in fact, written correctly on the emergency card and that Clare was no more than a "stupid little secretary."

Upon hearing the rude remarks of the mother, the principal stepped in and said, "You need to treat my employees with respect. If you cannot do so, then you need to leave campus before I actually do call the cops." The mother then stormed out of the office without another word.

In reflecting upon the incident, Clare admits that she should have done more to try to calm the parent down. She realizes that she should not have responded defensively to the mother’s rude comments. If she could do it again, she would put more effort into understanding the parent’s perspective and would have allowed her to vent anger. If the mother continued to be disrespectful, she would call the principal in at that time to help resolve the problem.

Case #2:
Susie is the assistant childcare director at an elementary school. One day, she learned that three of the boys in the after school program were exposing themselves to one another. Immediately, Susie attempted to get into contact with the parents of the three boys. She was able to explain the situation to the parents of the first two boys and they thanked her.

However, Susie was unable to get in touch with the mother of the other boy. She did reach the mother’s boyfriend by phone, but she felt that it was not appropriate for her to discuss the situation with him. The boyfriend sensed that something was wrong and became extremely upset that he was not being told the entire story. The next day, when the boyfriend dropped the boy off at day care, he confronted Susie and shared his belief that he "had every right to know what was going on in that boy’s life, and that she better think twice before refusing to share information in the future."

Susie was able to contact the boy’s mother that day and the problem was resolved.

In retrospect, Susie is very happy that she documented the entire incident so that she could protect herself in case anyone questioned her about it. Susie believes that it is extremely important to know the parents that she works with because she can then prepare herself for how they may act in any given situation. Her only regret is that she made the call to the boy’s home first, rather than to the mother’s work, because she knew ahead of time that she really didn’t want to discuss the incident with the boyfriend. She could have saved herself a little grief if she had considered the possibility that the boyfriend might answer the phone.

Case #3:
Mary is an instructional aid at an elementary school who is also in charge of coordinating the after-school enrichment program for the students. While holding the sign ups for the latest enrichment session, Mary was confronted by an irate parent.

Standard policy with regards to enrichment sign ups had always been that if a parent volunteered his or her time to help out with the sign up night, that parent was rewarded being the first one to sign up their kids for enrichment.

On this particular night, Mary continued with the past practice of giving the parent helpers the first opportunity to sign kids up. Once the helpers had been given that opportunity the doors were opened for other parents to sign their kids up. As the first lady walked through the door, she asked, "What were you just doing? Were you letting those ladies sign up first?"

Mary responded by saying "Yes, it is one of the perks for helping me out."

The woman reacted by inquiring, "You mean if I volunteer, I can sign my child up first."

"Yes!" Mary replied.

"Well, I want it in writing or in the next enrichment cover letter," the woman insisted.

"I’ll try to do that," Mary quipped in an agitated voice.

While reflecting upon this confrontation, Mary wishes that she had approached the situation a little bit differently. She admits that she was caught completely off guard by the woman’s anger and hostility.

Also, Mary is aware that the promise she made to the woman was unrealistic. "No way can I offer pre sign ups to everyone who wants to volunteer; I only need eight helpers. Also, I cannot do what that woman wants me to do. I cannot advertise."

"I should have offered her the opportunity to attend any PTA meeting that she can make it to because that is when I ask for volunteers to help with enrichment sign-ups."

"Finally, I should have slowed down and taken a step back to assess the situation before I reacted to it. I know that I was a little bit rude to her, and just because she treated me poorly does not mean that I should have done the same, especially when I am representing the school."

Case #4
Cindy is a kindergarten teacher who had an unpleasant altercation with a parent. A few years ago, Cindy had a student who was extremely immature and had severe social, language, and speech problems. At the goal setting conference, Cindy handed the mother a progress report which alerted her to the fact that her child was struggling to meet grade level expectations in several areas. The mother read the report, crossed her arms, and demanded, "What is this all about?" Cindy remained very professional and gave the mother several examples of the type of behavior that had caused Cindy to become concerned.

From that moment on, this particular mother questioned everything that Cindy did. Eventually, another altercation occurred. In Cindy’s class, the students use a lot of food in their centers which gives them the tangible objects that they often need to grasp new math concepts. About midyear, Cindy’s classroom funds were running low, so she asked the parents for voluntary donations to the food fund. Unfortunately, this particular parent did not think too much of the idea and she set up a meeting with the principal. 

The parent complained: "I don’t see the children eating food! Where does the money go? I thought public school was free!"

After hearing the mother’s comments, Cindy confronted her. "I heard you had some questions about the food fund," Cindy snapped in an unpleasant tone. Fortunately, the mother backed down and was quiet for the rest of the year.

While reflecting upon the incident, Cindy realizes that she let her emotions get the best of her and that it was wrong for her to speak to the mother in such a rude manner. She believes that had she communicated how the child was performing from the beginning of the year before the goal setting conference, the mother would have been prepared for what was coming. By establishing good relations early on, Cindy believes that she could have created a more pleasant and better working relationship with this parent.