Reflection #14: Parents

        One of the most effective means of dealing with student behavior problems can be a phone call home to the parents.  There is a good deal to be said on this subject. First of all, it will help you to call parents about good things the kids do.  If you get into the habit of making one positive phone call per week, you will come to the genuine conclusion that you and the parent are working as a team for the sake of the student. Not all parental contacts are going to be rosy; nevertheless, you will have a lot more going for you if you can embark on the potentially negative contact with the same mind set you have for the positive contact. Think about it!  If you are contacting the parent for anything except a request for teamwork to help the child, you are going at it the wrong way.  Let's explore this idea.

        For the nonce, let's assume that Rupert, the quintessential freshman student, has pushed you into next week.  You feel that you will scream if you can't keep him in his seat. O.K., short of killing him, you need to take action...what are you going to do?  You decide that you will call Rupert's parents.  That's not a bad idea...but before you do, you better think through the “why and the what” of the contact.

        First of all, what do you want to accomplish with the call?  If your motive is to vent, forget it; you'll only exacerbate the situation by making the parents get their backs up.  If you truly wish to modify the situation, you really ought to think about the approaches you might use. Human nature dictates that if you corner a critter it'll fight back (Remember, that's why you are careful about letting a student save face in a confrontation!)  So it won't help to adopt some sort of punitive or aggressive attitude with the parents.  They'll react negatively to your fixing of blame, and it'll all be over.  Probably your best hope for a positive conference is to establish the good parts of Rupert's personality.  He has so much enthusiasm?  You can hardly contain his energy?  Whatever you choose to open with, be sure it is not a phony attitude.  Once having opened, try to point out that you have not yet figured out how to help Rupert to harness that boundless energy to productive output. Ask them for suggestions and assistance in helping their progeny. You will be amazed how the parental instinct will work on your side to ameliorate the situation.  Please note: This is no guarantee that Rupert will remain glued to his chair.  You can only hope that from this time forward you and his parents will be on the same team to help the frustrated and frustrating Rupert.

        Obviously, not every parent contact can have such a delightful outcome. Occasionally, in spite of the best possible motives, the situation between you and a parent degenerates.  If that happens, discuss the situation with your administrator and the student's counselor immediately. NEVER LEAVE THE "OFFICE" TWISTING IN THE WIND. Always fill them in on the background of a potential problem before it explodes in your face. It is very hard for a counselor or administrator to assist you and to remain objective if he doesn't know both sides of a situation. Besides, it makes the official look very bad to the parent if he has no knowledge of what the parent perceives to be a major problem with the staff.  Take care of yourself and of your administrator and do the best thing for Rupert by keeping everyone aware of the dynamics of the situation.

        Finally, the single most important point to remember is that the parent and the teacher are a working partnership for the good of the student; you and the student's parent are not adversaries.