Approaching return from Sweden fills Meghan with trepidation
By MEGHAN JOHNSON
Runner Expatriate
When I left home to come here, I didn’t think too much about my return. Everyone slapped me on the back and told me what a great experience this would be. It would be life-changing, amazing and more than I could imagine.
I was told to write letters.
Thinking about my return in six weeks is completely terrifying. My life has changed. This was a great experience and it was more amazing than I could imagine, although I’m still too close to see exactly how. I feel different, but in ways I can’t yet define.
When I first came here I was overwhelmed. I was surrounded by a different language, a different climate and a different culture. This is why I came here. These days, the language is manageable, the climate is great (70 F is “hot”, ha ha!) and the culture is normal. I’m afraid I’ve become too Swedish to feel comfortable in the U.S.
A good friend of mine told me, “Only upon your return do you see America for what it is.” This is both exciting and scary.
What if I see America for what it is and don’t like it? The problem with coming back is that Sweden is a utopia of sorts. The people here have no concept of crime, the streets are clean and medical benefits are unbelievable (employers offer a paid year off for either mom or dad when there’s a new baby in the house). I feel safe here and for good reason. I’m not so sure I’ll feel the same way once I’m back at home.
I’ve let my guard down a lot. I don’t lock my door at night. Okay, so I live in a dorm, but I live on the first floor and have no problem with leaving my window open all day. I know no one will try to break into my room and take my stereo or my CDs.
I wouldn’t dream of doing that at home.
From the beginning, people have quizzed me on American culture, and although I’m surrounded by it I forget what it means to be American. I eat at McDonald’s, watch American TV shows and drink MGD, but by no means does that constitute American-ness. Maybe it does, in some ways.
People have asked me if all Americans are overweight, if all Americans own guns and why Americans made such a fuss about the Clinton/Lewinsky ordeal. I used to have answers, but lately I’m forgetting.
When I came here, I looked at Sweden with virgin eyes. I had never been across the sea before and this first experience was greeted with eagerness and excitement. I was so happy to leave, I didn’t experience culture shock when I landed. I was too in awe of everything around me. I was happy to be some place different. I saw Sweden in all its beauty as a paradise, much better than what I left behind.
I forgot about friends, didn’t write as much as I promised, and adapted to this environment. I wonder if coming home will be so easy. My friends here and I share this experience, but in a few weeks, we will thin out, spread out and forget to write. Like graduating high school, you just don’t talk to everyone you said you would.
I want to maintain these contacts, though. These people are the only ones who can understand a Saturday night at Kåren, our first Swedish winter and the joy of sunlight all day long. Once we leave, we can’t return. This place will be different and it’s probably better to stay away from Karlstad.
Looking at the U.S. with these thoughts in mind, I can’t help but imagine it negatively. This of course is mostly based on my initial reaction of Sweden. This place is so great, therefore my comparison country must be that bad, or else why was it so easy for me to forget? This is a terrible way to approach things, but it’s difficult to purge from my mind.
My same good friend who offered the advice before told me I should look at Bakersfield with the same wide-eyed wonder with which I first saw Sweden.
Easier said than done.
Of course, I can sit and worry myself to death about all of this, but I am
sure things will be much easier when I get there than I imagine. Life always works out that way, luckily.
Until next time, I remain, enjoying the few days I have.
This column is dedicated to anyone whose returned home after a long trip.
Runner@csubak.edu
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Wednesday, May 12, 1999
12:03 PM