Robins, trees and athletes challenge bike-riding adventurer
by EDDIE RUFF
Staff Writer
You, yes you are the lucky one! You’re our 1 millionth reader! You have won the tiny, pewter-like balancing bike previously only available with 75 skeet-ball tickets at the huge pizza place on Rosedale.
What a lucky devil.
And just in time for Christmas, too!
To claim your prize, speak “I am the winner” in loud, clear tones into a self-addressed stamped envelope and mail to the Runner by Nov. 16.
Congratulations again on your big win!
Now that you’ve won your prize, I’m sure you won’t mind reading this last installment of the “Bike Path Saga.” Next quarter, make sure and look for “Bike Path Episode I - The Prequel,” soon to be made into a direct-to-video motion picture. The pod racers navigating through the detour are sure to be a perennial favorite.
We last left me way out on the south end of the campus gazing across Camino Media at the Marketplace shopping center. The big cliffhanger had to do with whether or not I was going to cross, thus leaving the campus (and finishing the bike path story - I’m only allowed to write about campus events and features), or was I going to - heh heh heh - turn around and travel back from whence I had come, thus milking this column for all it’s worth. No, make that more than it’s worth. Heh heh heh.
Hold the phone! There’s a 10,000-square-foot buildable available across the street there! I need that! I’m perched on the edge of the curb... I’m leaning... I’m swaying... it might be all over... no! I turn around and go back, back to the bike path where I belong. It’s the fall of 1999; this must be the new CSUB bike path column. Bike path we must.
Now we’re headed back north. The regulations begin (resume?) immediately. Here’s the “bike path - no motor vehicles etc. - begin” sign. Here’s the over-regulatory “bike path closed from dusk to dawn” sign that has so many joggers up in arms. Yes, many an editorial has been, and will be, written on the dusk to dawn ban. We have not yet begun to fight. Give me bike path, or give me d-... well, let’s not overdo it.
Uh oh, here’s another “speed limit 20” sign. It’s bike discrimination right out of the gate here on the south side, too. I’m too tired to protest, however. We need rotating protestors, for when we forerunners get tired. “Forerunners,” how funny! It should, perhaps, be foreriders, but we are the Runners here at CSUB, after all, whether we are on a bike or not!
There’s some little flaws in the asphalt here. They have little white circles spray painted around them. It’s proof of extra-terrestrial visitation to our campus here. Probably between dusk and dawn. It’s all a big cover-up. That explains it.
Actually, they are more like potholes. There’s also some tread marks from tires here in the path. Down the center, there’s a solid yellow line. I ride on. Now it’s a dashed line. Onward. Now it’s gone. Nothing. If we get in a head-on crash now, it’s all our fault. You’d think, with all the over-regulation, there’d be a sign: “Do not ram into approaching bicycles/joggers, except between dusk and dawn, when they shouldn’t be here anyway.” Just an idea.
Ah! A sign of wildlife, a ringtail pheasant! Not really. I have no idea what kind of bird it is. You know how, when you read a book, and the author always seems to know the names of trees and flowers and birds, and all you know in real life is maybe a pine tree, a rose, and maybe a robin or something... we are all so ignorant! There’s so much to learn about the earth and its creatures! And all we do is sit inside and play video games. Our mothers warned us.
I’m thirsty.
This next part of my note is entirely illegible, because in order to speed the note-taking process along I chose to experiment with writing while pedaling, which experiment failed miserably, I might add. I think it says “writing while riding,” but it looks more like “ooritie hivet towwig.” Stuff that in your spell checker.
There’s the campus cop again! I’d better say something nice about him this time, he reads this column! He appears to be smiling, as best I can tell. Of course, I’ve got sweat in my eyes, so he’s a little blurry. I actually wish he’d pull me over. It would add a dimension of color and excitement to this otherwise utterly bland misadventure.
It’s a shot put! A shot-putter! He’s going to put it! This is exciting. I’ve never seen this. Have you? Seeing this shot get put is the highlight of my ride. This shot-putting makes the whole thing worth it. Come on, come on, put it! Put it already! These putters are talking aloud. They’re talking about some Super Bowl athlete. Are they... heh heh heh... “putting” him down? Heh heh heh.
Yeah! He’s putting it! Wow. It went about 10 feet. Maybe that’s a lot for a put shot. That’s enough excitement for me. No more shot putting for, let’s say, another 20 or 30 years. A little shot putting goes a long way. And that ain’t no shot.
Hmm... let’s take a different route back now, and spice things up a bit. The shot-putting has me feeling adventurous. The adrenaline is flowing now. Here’s a gravel path... no snooty bike pros allowed... this is rough!
I think I’m on the actual detour now! I was off of it on the way south! Exciting stuff... glad I turned back, aren’t you? Yep, I’m definitely on the official detour.
It’s so funny, these people park under these tiny trees way out here in Lot I. They greedily grab for even the tiniest bit of shade, even if it means walking an extra eighth of a mile. Check this out, every tree has cars huddled under it, even the ones all the way out on the south end. There are plenty of closer spots available, but shade is at a premium at CSUB when it’s hot, I suppose.
There’s no bird crap on these vehicles, which is a surprise. Every time I park my just-washed car under a tree it’s got plenty of bird calling-cards covering it when I return. These people are luckier. I guess even if they did get their cars defaced by bird crap, at least they would be cool while driving to the car wash. Some of us don’t wish to sacrifice comfort for style. Or is that the other way around?
I’m riding back; it’s just about over. Anything I could write now would be mostly rehash.
Oh! I’m almost struck and killed by a van with different-colored doors. Missed me!
I want to buy a shrub. But they say they’re not for sale. Bye-bye, circus.
Whoa! Missed my turn. This detour isn’t easy.
Now I’m headed back up the north section. I feel sorry for the bored security guard. I want to crash the gate doing 98 and see what he does. “I just wanted to see the elephants,” I could plaintively explain. Nahh. I’ve had enough excitement for one day, haven’t you?
Forget it. And forget the path - I’m going to cut across the grass and finally get a drink - I’m so thirsty. Ahh, the water is so good after this long ride. I must have gone, what, a mile, maybe a mile and a half?
Might as well get a quote before I finish. Here’s the info booth dude. It was a girl before, there must’ve been a shift change.
“Do I need a sticker or something to park my bike on campus?” I ask, knowing full well the answer. Come on, you know it, too.
“No, bike parking is free. You just park in the racks anywhere on campus,” he explains. We knew that.
I might add that the racks are closer to the classes than the parking lots, in almost every case.
Maybe I should start riding my bike to school every day! It’s easy and fun. Most enjoyable.
Nahh. I need the extra time for video games.
Runner@csubak.edu
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Wednesday, November 17, 1999
2:12 PM